Awful, Awful Gay Fic
by TypeManipule'S8E94U
Summary: Prepare to enter into a world of magic, wonder, excitement, and gay. It's the Awful, Awful Gay Fic!  Basically, my friend and I are HUGE fans of My Immortal, in the sense that we're masochists and read it for fun. Enjoy this fun parody based therein!
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Hi my name is Dwayne Cock-Cruncher Lightness Sanity Chaos. I have short dark brown hair that I usually wear in a sexxy fauxhawk. I wear only a leather jacket over my pink wifebeaters and destroyed sequined booty shorts with my go-go boots. All my clothing can barely contain the manly muscles that ripple across my molten chassis. I. Am. Sex.  
>For example I was walking past the greenhouses today when I saw a sultry-looking Slytherin staring back at me. He waltzed straight up to me and whispered in my ear, "I don't know who you are or what the fuck is with those goddamn Muggle clothes, but I am so hot for you right now."<br>We made out.  
>But then I had to go to class so I left.<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I woke up in my leopard-print Barbie dream-car bed. I hugged my pillow happily, wishing it was that sexy Slytherin boy's chest. I imagined licking whipped cream off his nipples and putting little maraschino cherries on them and eating them, I guess a little too excitedly because my pillow was soon wet with saliva. Oh, poo.

"GOOD MORNING!1111" I roared passively.

I got out of bed and pulled on a pair of sequined hotpants with studs on the back pockets to show off my sexxy muscled ass, and a hot pink tank top and put a leather vest over it. For good measure, I tossed a flowing rainbow scarf around my neck and pulled on my hot pink go-go boots.

Standing with hip protruding sassily and hands in ass pockets, I noticed a hand poking out from beneath my bed. I gasped.

"What'sSss thissssSSSsssSssSssSSs?"

I pulled on the hand, flexing my delicious delts and bis, and lo and beho', a ho! It was my silly friend Jellicus Kakk, an exchange student from Switzerland. You know what they say about the Swiss.

"Jellicus!" I scolded playfully. "What are you doing under my bed, you silly ?"

"Shut up," he said in his sexy Swiss voice. "I have such a hangover from last night. What was in that firewhisky?"

"Fire," I responded happily.

"Would you two PLEASE keep it down?" came a snobbish voice from the desk by the window. It was that spoil-sport, Percy Weasley, and coincidentally one of the few guys at Hogwarts I DON'T want to bang.

Jelli and I both rolled our eyes. "Don't mind him; he hates fun!" I shouted.

"Yeah, fuck you!" added Jelli.

I pouted sexily at Jelli. "I wanna make out," I purred.

"But I am so hung over," he protested.

"Making out is an Olde English cure for hangovers," I said.

Jelli proceeded to vomit.

"Ewwwwwwww." Apparently my pout turned unsexy.

"Don't look at me like that!" Jelli protested. Then, with a little smile, he added, "You'll make me sick again!"

I was aSTONISHED. I gave him a hearty slap and grabbed him by the balls.

"What did you say to me?"

"I said..." He stopped and began frenching me, overcome by the sheer molten sex that radiates from every pore of my body.

"Gross!" I pushed him away from me.

"Tergeo!" the vomit then washed from his face.

I gave him a once-over. "Okay!"

We went back to kissing passively.

"Homosexuality may reduce magical potency, you know," called Percy annoyingly from his desk. We flipped him off.

"It's true! Herpo had documented that the orgies of Ancient Greece might have inhibit-"

"There's a reason Herpo was known as 'Herpo the Foul,' Percy," I shot back angrily.

"Percy's just a whiny little bitch," I assured Jelli.

"I know. What a bitch," he agreed with a roar.

I straddled Jelli on my bed.

Then I had to go eat breakfast, so we left.


	3. Chapter 3

I shat done at the gryffindor table w/jelli, lol i love that kid.  
>"where's the capn crunch, birch?" he belowed down the table"Jelli" I sad "theres no capn crunch cuz were at hogwarts, duh"<br>"oh rite" he said stupidly  
>"its ok, i lov eyou anyway!" i shouted<br>just then I herd the most sexy amazing hoot scotish voice ever in my lif"could you pass the sausage please?"  
>I looked across the table it was oliver wood. OMG HES SO HOTT<br>I stared for a moment and then I said yeah here it is and passed him the plate.  
>"omg, did you see him jelli?" i aked exitedly but jelli was making out with a huffpuff<br>"jelli u hore! i excalimed  
>"wit?" he retarted "im just having a little treat 4 brekfSt"<br>"ya i can c that" i seed angerly "u were abut 2 souk his penis"  
>"i was not" he shit back "just a hj may b"<br>"whatever!1111" i screamed so loud a ravenclaw lookd at me. he wasnt even attractiv.  
>we ned 2 find a way 2 get him 2 fall in luv wme" i sid deterredly  
>May b if I act rly sexxy hed fall in love wif me. I hoep so bc I want his big hawt cock in my moth. Ive never seen his cock b/c im not a stocker LOL! but I bet its rly big and hawt


	4. Chapter 4

I seduktifly slid a sausage into my moth, making i contat wif Oliver teh hole tiem. he lookd rly confuzd  
>jelli said "he wants to suk ur dick loudly across the table"<br>"stfu jelli!1111" i shiutted him  
>"hes jst kidding Oliver" I laffed nervissly<br>Oliver jus tok a bite of his sausage an looked me  
>"goddammit jelli" i snaped him "u need to be suttle<br>"fuck suttletey" he seed back  
>"FUK YOU BITCH!1111" I roared. Then I tok anoter bite of sausage.<br>then i had class so we left


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

in class, sNap was teching us how to maek sum poshuns.  
>"U need to have prefect concnetration to make the potion write" sayed Snape.<br>I tried realy hard, but i coldnt stop thinkign abot Olivers dick an how big it mus be. i loulked over at him he was so sexy, he had stubble. i new he wnated me, somewere deep doun deep in teh deps of his sexxy tite pants, he wantd me, omg. suddenly, he louked at me sexily from across the room. I couldnt beleeve it, he wanted me, I coud see it in his i's. he got up from his tabell and wocked 2word ME!1  
>"hay can i borow yur caldrin?" eh roard.<br>"of curse yuo can!1111" I pured liek a sexy kittun.  
>"thx" he screemed like a sexbobcat and poot his hand on my caldrin, rite next to mine. his hnad slid onto mine sloly as he louked in2 my i's, he breethd faster, his chest heeved<br>"Du u want to haev sax?" he wispurd.  
>"Lets fuk in the brom closit in teh hallwey aftur clas" I roared.<br>he smilled wikedly "lets fukc NAO" and he pounsed on me face & grabbed my dick vorotiously  
>Sanpe looked over an hised "WHAT THE FUKC R YOO TO DOIN IN CLAS?1111"<br>I starrd at Sanspe & then bak at Oliver but it wastn Oliver it was. . . . . . . . . . ANGELINA JOHNSON WHAT TEH FUKK  
>"ew, boobz" I billoughed<br>"Eye totully shapeshitfed into Oviler!" Angelina browed.  
>"Get awey frum me u dumb sloot!" I screemed.<br>Snap shipytde "IF I DONT GET ANXPELANTAIon I"m GONNA BE SO FPUCKING PISSED ATHEYO U!1111"  
>Angelica explianed "hehd the potion sin ihs moth so i hadf to extract it"<br>"Oh dat makes senz" sad Snape.  
>"wow Angelsfh" I sad hapiley "u savd my sasshole bak ther"<br>"no problem" she was pryt cool if i was in2 chiks id prolly fuck her I toght about fuking her butt thun I desidid dat it wuld b a bad idea becuz she haz a vaginuh, and then i got groced out cuz im liek twho shas fa vagina thats ridik  
>but than i had 2 go too a rave so i left<p> 


	6. Chapter 6

Jelli and i stoupd in the bathrom, puting on our gliter and harspry

I sad 'heyg Jelli we shud go grind up un each othes asses tonite yeh?"

"yeah well get al toeh hot guyz" he roard in agressment

I hized "but Jelli yo knw that ur teh hotest guy in the entur scool!"

no ur bitch!" he screemed in his sexy swiss voice

"lol no fukin way i totulli watn ur cok in my mouth rite now"

my cok get really hot and butterd its prity big so i think jelly could see it threw my pnats urghhhhhhh

Jelli titally noticd my big hard cock and wuz starring ot it.

"Do u haev a bonnet?" he askde

i got confuzed for a sec then I relized he ment bonner not bonnet lol

"yeah" ised

he is so Swiss I cant take it hes too swiss and it maks me wunder if he has xtra holez if hw does I want 2 cum in al of tem. i luked down at jellys pants. i'd seen his dik b4 but only when it was flaxed not wen it was all hard OMG it was so huge i almost chaked looking at it fukkin swiss

I nelt down on teh flor he brethd real hard in front of his giant coc

but then we had to og to teh rave so we levt.


	7. Chapter 7

we ogt to teh rav but ther ewas nowhun their

"fuck waht do we do?" roard jeli

"I bot sum glo sticks 4 nufin!" I orard.

"wait!: i had a thot but i couldnt figur it ut

it wuz almos leik I dint hae a brian.

"OH" I eruptd lik a folcanoe

"accio sexius boyus!"

HAHAHA

iforgot i had magic for a minut lol

"dat was vury smart" siad Jelli.

thx" i tried to say but hten a stempeed of hot sexy fukxers bust thru teh dors i had teh bigist boner.

'quik jelli get on pres yur ass on mine"

"y he sed

JUS DO IT I WANT HOT GUYZ"

"ok I gues ill do tit."

"anus atractum!" i shited

imeateatdly a hundrd guiz startd crouding arund our sexy asses

"told u" i sed

I startd to dans real sexy. oll teh guyz arund me startd to get erexhuns I wuz so tuend on. then i saq-OMG OLVILER WOOD!111 i sae his aubrn hair and his stubble and then OHMYGOD I AMLOST FAITNED HEZ SO SEXI eh strated to wok twards me!

"hi dwayne (OHMYGOD HE REMEMBRED MY NAMR) i didn't think ud be her"

i starred wif my mout gapping an then i spok

"oh yea i cum her all te time lol"

he smiled "im glad to c u hr"

then i remembrd i forgut smiting in SnAps orifice so i left


End file.
